Wouldn't it feel great if you and your partner were connected and on the same team? Sadly, many couples don't feel this way or even check in with each other very much in the bustle of everyday life. It is so common for us to live paralleled lives with our spouse and not feel connected at all. Is that what your marriage feels like? If so, I want to start by saying that I understand and my heart breaks for you both.
Wouldn't it feel great if you and your partner checked in with each other once in a while during the day? It doesn't have to be anything over the top... just a quick text or phone call to say hello, or to wish you a wonderful day... or just to see how things are going in your world? Sadly, many couples don't do this with each other at all. It is so common for us to live paralleled lives with our spouse and not actually feel connected at all. Is that what your marriage feels like? If so, I want to say I understand and my heart breaks for you both.
I know that feeling of loneliness and it stinks (to put it nicely). I've lived that paralleled life in my marriage before. We were great decision makers, had a great family and "doing life" well, we just never really took time to check in with each other and connect. In the beginning it was okay, neither of us seemed to really "need" anything from each other... we were competent, "independent" people. As we continued to build a family and life together, our attempts to intentionally connect with each other became superficial date nights that you hope will make things better, giving each other cards or gifts once in a while to avoid conflict, keeping ourselves busy with work, etc... all the things that couples do when they don't feel connected and trying to figure out how to remedy this while also doing life together with bills, children, family members and other responsibilities.
I'll say it, it just sucks to live this way. Not only that, but this kind of loneliness and building resentment just drives people to behave in ways that really aren't their true selves. It leads to nasty arguments that seem to sound like a broken record, shutting down on each other, sarcasm, feelings of bitterness, poor decision making and even worse coping behaviors, wondering if you ever loved this person at all, wondering if maybe you're just not cut out for this marriage thing. All of it is BS, honestly. It's just total BS that creeps in, messes with our minds and causes many of us to throw in the towel on someone we once promised to spend the rest of our lives with. I would never in a million years wish that kind of turmoil, confusion and pain on my worst enemy.
So, fast forward with a spoiler alert, my husband and I experience each other so, so differently now. We did the hard work and held tightly to our faith when we couldn't see any evidence that we would last. Here we are in year 16. Some of you may still think of us as marriage newbies at only 16 years! However, I can tell you, that I never imaged our hearts could soften toward each other again, never mind actually learning how to move toward each other in an honest and clearer way. In addition to our strong faith, I credit the concepts of Emotionally Focused Therapy for allowing us the opportunity to really learn how to connect. We know how to show up for each other, how to hear each other, how to meet each other's needs without fear of failure or judgment. Not only that, but we actually have FUN together, we found our friendship, love and passion for each other again and, YES, you can do it too.
My hope in working with couples is to allow them the same opportunity to learn about their cycle with their partner, figure out the blocks that keep them stuck and learn how to effectively move them out of the way together. If you are looking for a big jump start to renew your relationship, I invite you to join us for our next EFT couples workshop in Knoxville on January 19th and 20th. These weekends have been complete game changers for couples, as you can read from some of our testimonials.
I don't know your relationship details, but I do know that many couples walk away from each other before ever understanding the patterns that got them tangled up and bitter. If there is a willingness on both sides to simply be curious and open to learning something new, please join us. You will be astonished with how much you can work through together in just two days.
If you have any questions at all about our upcoming workshop please contact me. I'm happy to answer any questions. You can also read much more about our workshop at www.holdmetightknoxille.com. The name of the workshop is called "Hold Me Tight," which is the program based on Emotionally Focused Therapy and written by developer, Dr. Sue Johnson. EFT is considered the gold-standard model of working with couples in distress and offers a clear road map for helping couples find, see and hear each other again (or possibly for the first time). You do not have to continue feeling lonely in your marriage. The work you will do with your spouse or partner during the workshop will not only likely have a lasting impact on your marriage but, in turn, a positive generational impact. We can do better for each other and our families.
More information about our upcoming workshop can be found at www.holdmetightknoxville.com. I look forward to answering any questions. Please don't hesitate to reach out! You can call me at 865-384-2172 or use the contact for HERE.
Have a wonderful afternoon!
Licensed Professional Counselor
9219 Middlebrook Pike
Knoxville, TN 37931
I am also a contributing mental health writer at